Are You F@&king With Me – Ellen Ripley
Posted June 14th, 2008 ·Ellen Ripley
Sigourney Weaver’s character Ripley in the Alien films is often praised for her heroine qualities, however every time I watch Alien I weep for the future. Few characters in cinema have been forced to eat the amount of shit Ripley has. Between dodging aliens at every corner, her character is constantly getting fucked with.
It is almost as if screenwriters collaborate secretly at bars in Hollywood, calculating and chuckling over what they do next to Ripley…”aaahh, let’s give her gills and make her fight Aliens 35,000 leagues below in the Pacific ocean with only one leg…and kill her daughter again AHAHA.” Below is the short list of Ripley’s plight, poor fucking character.
Alien: (Her best day by comparison)
1. Entire crew/friends dead
2. Develops fear of cyborgs
3. Undresses in front of an Alien
4. Destroys spacecraft, which I assume is pretty pricey… steals escape pod
5. Must kill Alien by sucking it through duct of escape pod.
Aliens:
1. Daughter is dead because she overslept
2. Must battle not one, but a shitload of Aliens
3. Must hang out with Paul Reiser and Bill Paxton
4. Entire Marine squad dead
A plus though, hangs out with Lance Henricksen
Aliens 3
1. Wakes up to find Nute and Col. Dwayne Hicks are dead
2. Gets to hang out in prison
3. Gets to fight more Aliens
4. Is impregnated with an alien
5. Take care of this problem by diving into a vat of molten metal, but not before the alien rips through her chest.
Aliens: Resurrection
1. Wakes up to find
- a. She is a clone/Alien hybrid
b. She dies multiple times in experiments
c. Must kill a form of herself
2. Has to kill her alien baby by forcing it to be sucked out a dime sized hole in a depressurized cabin in a space craft
